To Retribution: When there's no going back Read online

  'I'm sorry Jake. I shouldn't have asked...'

  'Hey, it's all part of my history, you know? It's not something that'll ever go away. You just have to move on, don't you?'

  'Yes, I guess so.'

  'She still drinks. Dad just puts up with it and I try and avoid her, well, both of them to be honest. That was how I got the lock up. Dad gave it to me so as I could get away when she was on a particularly bad binge, which was pretty often. One of her favourite taunts was to tell my dad that I'm not his. You can imagine how much that cuts him. Poor guy.'

  'What about you? Christ, that must hurt. So do you know for sure? I mean...hmm.' She fiddled awkwardly with her newly short hair, missing its old length.

  'What?' he asked cocking his head at her, trying to pull her back.

  'Ah, nothing.' She shook her head.

  'C'mon,' he said, nudging her gently in the ribs. 'I thought we were doing an honesty thing here.'

  'I was going to say I'd want to know but, I've never tried to find out about my natural parents so...,' she shrugged her shoulders in a resigned way.

  'You're adopted? Wow! I had no idea. Shit. You guys just all look so, um, I dunno, natural together, I guess.' He suddenly remembered, felt an embarrassed flush creep up his face, pulled back. 'Sorry. I wasn't thinking. Are you okay talking about them?'

  'The way I see it is as long as they're still being talked about, they're still alive, you know? Keeps them here. Real,' she said, clearing her throat, looking up at him with the eyes of a hurt child.

  'Yeah. I understand that. So, what do you know?'

  'I was given up for adoption immediately after I was born. Apparently my mother was under age and her parents insisted. Anyway, as far as I am concerned they are my parents, Katherine and Geoffrey, nobody else. Just them. They've always made me feel like I was theirs. I love them.'

  His T shirt became damp with her tears. He kissed her head and held her close. A wind was picking up. The sound of the trees being tossed about overhead by the impending storm was strangely soothing, mesmeric. The gentle patter of rain became more incessant. Thunder rumbled. He counted the seconds between it and the crash of lightning until they were simultaneous. Yoko hid her head under his jacket, shaking.

  9

  'I'm well impressed with your survival skills,' Suze said, smiling, as she peeled off her sleeping bag like the skin of a chrysalis, and stretched. 'That was quite a storm and we're pretty dry. Well done!'

  He laughed, 'Yeah, quite impressed with myself too. So, breakfast, or should I say dinner?'

  'I reckon, as we've just woken up, it's breakfast. This must be what it's like to work nights, huh?'

  'Yeah. Guess so. Let me see. We have beans, sardines...'

  'Beans are fine. I'll be back in a sec. We girls need to go for a pee.'

  'Okay.'

  'Come on Yoko,' she said, pushing some of the branches aside to allow their exit. The ground was heavy with mud and mulched leaves giving it a rich earthy smell. Yoko squatted urgently then snuffled around contentedly, wagging her tail in appreciation. Suddenly her nose was up sniffing, scanning, growling, running off towards the edge of the wood. 'Yoko! Here!' Suze called quietly, urgently. 'Shit!' She ran after her, not wanting to call any louder in the quiet of the late afternoon.

  When she finally caught up with her Yoko was jumping up at the trunk of a tree where a squirrel sat twitching on one of the higher branches. Its tail flicking up and down like a taunt. She grabbed her collar. 'Yoko. That was bad,' she said, with as much reprimand as she could muster, stifling a laugh. Yoko lay down at her feet, submissive, chastised. 'You have to stay close okay?' She ruffled the dog's neck and they turned back towards the camp.

  'I was beginning to panic there. You were gone a while.'

  'Yoko ran off after a squirrel.'

  'Oh did you indeed?' Jake said, looking disapprovingly at her. 'You bad girl, you.'

  Yoko slunk as far back under the branches as she could, looking suitably ashamed, and curled into a ball, her sorrowful gaze fixed on Suze.

  'So, what's the plan for today then?' Jake asked.

  'Keep heading east, I guess. I think I'd feel safer, less conspicuous in a city. What do you reckon? I mean, we can't live in the woods for ever, can we?'

  'Okay. I'm good with that. We'd best sit tight till evening though. How are you holding up?'

  'Oh, it's a blast!' she replied, with a sardonic laugh.

  'Seriously? How are you doing?' He put his hand on her shoulder, stroking it encouragingly.

  'What can I say? Stay positive, irrespective? It's worked for me to date. I don't think I've got much of a choice really, otherwise they've won haven't they and I'm not giving them that.'

  'Yeah, I agree but sometimes...Well, just...yeah, just keep being you.'

  When the light began to fade again they moved on, walking purposefully, silently. The landscape was beginning to change; roads becoming wider, traffic more frequent. Noises which startled them now came with disconcerting regularity. In the distance the sulphuric glow of a copious quantity of street lights lit up the night sky.

  It was a strange feeling, the combination of relief at the possible anonymity it offered, mixed with the anxiety of being noticed, reported. They decided to brazen it out and head on in. It was dawn by the time they finally reached the outskirts; just a couple out taking their dog for its morning walk. Suze smiled as she pulled a couple of leaves out of Jake's hair and removed some smudges of dirt off his face with spit and her fingers.

  'I feel like someone's mother,' she said.

  'Thanks Mum,' he laughed, 'Presentable?'

  'Yes, you'll do. How about me?'

  He ran his fingers through her hair, straightened her jacket and nodded, 'Beautiful.'

  'Liar! Okay, let's do this,' she said, reaching for his hand.

  'Will Yoko be okay?' he asked.

  'Sure. She'll just stay at my heel. Won't you girl?' she said, stroking the dog's head. Yoko's tail wagging in agreement.

  The street lights had dissolved into the liquid light of the morning sun. They were on a street of tidy bungalows with well tended lawns, manicured hedges, twitching security cameras and flashing burglar alarms. Curtains remained drawn; the predominant populace only awake in the individuality of their dreams and nightmares.

  A young man was unlocking the metal shutters of a local shop, which were clack, clack, clacking their way up the display of lottery posters, greetings cards, cigarettes and newspapers. He glanced across at them.

  'Morning,' Jake smiled and waved politely. He was completely ignored. 'Oh well,' he shrugged.

  'What did you do that for?' Suze whispered, with an accusatory frown.

  'Just trying to be neighbourly,' he replied.

  'I'm not so sure of the wisdom in that. Your accent is so patently not local.'

  'What, you want me to go oo ar or something?'

  'Nope. Just be quiet is all.'

  'Duly reprimanded,' he said, smiling at her and squeezing her hand.

  The shake of her head expressed chagrin.

  The neat, sterile bungalows gave way to more compact, less affluent terraced houses. They felt less conspicuous amongst the red brick and peeling paintwork. Then at last, the anonymity of the city centre. People ignoring each other, bustling their way to work, to the shops, heads down, purposeful. CCTV scrutinising, voyeurism.

  Not far from the centre was a well tended park with a small river running through it. There were neat little flower beds connected by a gravel path dotted with wrought iron benches. It was all very clean and pretty and to them, somehow alien. They chose a bench next to the rose garden and sat, exhausted.

  'So what now?' Jake asked.

  'We need something for Yoko to eat and some bread would be good.'

  'Yeah sure. I was thinking more about the bigger picture, like where to sleep, what to do next, that sort of thing. But, yeah, why don't you wait here with her and I'll pick up some supplies at the supermarket we passed back th
ere.'

  'Okay, cool.'

  'See you in about ten, okay?'

  'Yes, okay.'

  She let her head fall back and closed her eyes, exhaling deeply; blowing it all away. Help me Mum. A bit of wisdom please. The crunch of several feet stomping arrogantly along the gravel pathway drew closer. She tried to ignore it, bending down to stroke Yoko. Keep her calm.

  'Oi, oi, oi, wot 'ave we got 'ere then boys, eh?'

  Fuck. There were three of them. All wearing khaki bomber jackets, tight jeans, braces, Doc Martens. Heads shaven, sneers lewd and licentious, danger imminent.

  'Allo darlin'. You don't mind if I sit 'ere now do ye? Course ye don't.' He perched himself beside her on the back of the bench. His feet on the seat. He breathed alcohol on her and something sharp, chemical. Glue, she wondered.

  Yoko bared her teeth, snarling. Suze didn't stop her.

  'Actually, I do. Now, if you don't mind, I'd rather you just fuck off all right?' she replied, not taking her eyes off the dog.

  'Oo...posh bitch with a dirty mouth on 'er. Gets me all 'ot an bothered, that do.' He stood up and cupped his crotch with both hands, thrusting his hips. 'Now, I knows a way of gettin' me all calm an' 'appy like,' he leered at her to the approving laughs and depraved sneers of his mates. He jumped off the bench, slid down beside her and put his arm round her squeezing hard.

  'I said fuck off!' she hissed at him, recoiling, elbowing him in the ribs. Yoko now barking and snapping at their feet.

  'Oh, now that weren't right clever now, were it? What you wanna go an' get me all angry for now then, eh?'

  'All right boys, I think the lady would prefer to be left alone. That's enough now,' came a voice with a soft American twang from somewhere behind.

  She turned to see two older men approaching. They were dressed in tatty clothes; dirty jeans and faded T shirts, their boots caked in mud. They confidently gripped the heavy wooden handles of their spades. Oh, thank God!

  'We was just bein' friendly like. No 'arm done, eh lads?' he said, flicking his cigarette on the ground. Spitting. 'Come on. Let's get out of 'ere. Tara, girlie. Nice chattin' weren't it? See ya.' He swaggered off with his pals, exaggerated laughter trailing behind them like a bad odour. A siren began to screech. They whooped and ran.

  'You okay love?'

  'Yes. Thanks.'

  'Nasty bunch that lot. Always causing bother.'

  'I can imagine. So, so you work here?'

  'Nah, we started a community vegetable garden just up yonder. Been keeping an eye on it, weeding and the like.'

  'Cool. Very civil minded of you.'

  'We try. Roger, by the way. I'd offer a hand but they're filthy,' he laughed, scratching his dread locked blonde hair, 'And that's Pete.'

  'Likewise,' Pete said with a smile.

  'Suze. Hi.'

  'Thought as much,' said Roger.

  'Excuse me?' said Suze, with more than a hint of alarm. Her hands started to sweat. She looked around. Jake, where are you?

  'Hey, don't stress yourself. It's kinda obvious on which side of the fence we sit no? It's probably a good idea if you come with us. You're a god-damned sitting duck out here.'

  'I have no idea what you're talking about. Thanks and all that but I'm just waiting for my friend then we'll be off.'

  'They're out looking for you already. That's what the siren's for. '

  'No. I can't just....ah shit!'

  'Come on. This is dangerous.'

  'Who are you two anyway?'

  'Who we are doesn't matter right now but you're Susannah Bateman and your friend's Jake O'Connor. According to the papers you're a couple of drug crazed junkies who wrecked your parents' place, shot your own mother, set the place alight and ran off with everything of value you could carry. They say you're armed and dangerous and should be called in if you're spotted. We know otherwise. You need to trust us.'

  Inside she crumpled like a piece of discarded clothing. Yoko nuzzled her and licked her hand as if in encouragement. She wrapped herself around the dog, clinging on to her as if she were her only lifeline. What do I do now? What in Christ's name do I do?

  'Sweetheart, you ….'

  She cut him off, 'Don't fucking call me sweetheart,' she hissed at him, pulling herself together, drawing on her anger, 'Don't fucking call me sweetheart!'

  10

  They led Suze along a deceptive trail of alleyways, passing no-one on their way. Finally they turned up a narrow, unpaved path bordered by rough, ivy clad stone walls. The stonework crumbled into fine sand against the touch of her hand. Set into the wall was an arch shaped doorway which came to a point at its top. The curve was lined with narrow, old, red brick, speckled with moss. The tenacious roots of weeds and grasses gouged a precarious living from the spaces left by fallen mortar. Peeling blue paintwork had faded and worn away to insignificance, barely discernible from the raw wood. What looked like holes made by nails marked out a double X across the door, making her wonder if it had once been boarded up. Her mind swarmed with possibilities. A black metal handle turned and clicked the latch open.

  She was now in the garden of a somewhat dilapidated Georgian house. It was totally enclosed by stone walls which stood at least three metres high. Vegetable plots boasted, amongst others, beans, peas, garlic and salad. Bushes hung heavy, laden with fruit and off to the back a large greenhouse packed with tomatoes, peppers, cucumber and chillies. Nearer the back door was a herb garden, filling the air with the heady scent of the Mediterranean. They followed a path of rustic grey stone slabs which led to the back door.

  Inside huge house plants took pride of place. Suze sat on a chunky old settee of well worn, burnt orange velvet, looking around, taking stock of her new surroundings. Her fingers played against the gentle rub of the fabric. The floors were sanded, the woodwork stripped. Windows, huge, with wooden frames and sash openers, shook themselves at the lightest of winds. Hand made scatter rugs and assorted floor cushions added warmth and colour. Someone's rather good artwork adorned the walls; portraits of faces that felt somehow familiar.

  Yoko sniffed around contentedly then stopped to look up at a tortoiseshell cat which sat on a Welsh dresser preening herself, well out of reach, licking her paws, wiping her face, eyes surreptitiously keeping tabs on the intruder. A second cat, grey and sleek, jumped up beside Suze, purring and kneading her leg, rubbing its head against her arm. 'Hello there,' she said, as she stroked its arched back. Yoko barked and darted to her rightful place behind Suze's legs. The unimpressed cat continued its purring and kneading.

  'Just push her off if she's bothering you,' said Pete. 'She's a little terrorist, that one.'

  'No, no. I'm an animal person. She's cool. Yoko's well used to cats too, from the farm...' Her thoughts were jolted back to that morning. She struggled to hang on to her composure, to fight the images which tried to force their way back out again.

  'After John and?' Pete asked

  'I'm sorry?'

  'Your dog, Yoko.'

  'Indeed,' she laughed, not wanting to explain further.

  'There's a crazy old dog hanging around here somewhere too. I'm sure he'll let himself be known as soon as he realises you're here,' Roger added, with a grin.

  'Here. Some tea,' Pete's partner Dana said, smiling reassuringly, 'It's just camomile and honey. Always good in times of stress.' Her face was warm, friendly, with soft hazel eyes, a full mouth which smiled easily, forcing dimples into her ruddy cheeks wrapped in shoulder length brown curls.

  'Thank you,' Suze smiled in return, a shaky hand carefully accepting the delicate porcelain mug. She blew on her tea, her thoughts drifting off amongst the steam. Visions of her mum danced out of her memory. Picking herbs on hot sunny afternoons; the kitchen laden with bunches of them left hanging upside down to dry. The shelves of earthenware pots boasting home made concoctions and remedies. Being tucked up in bed with tea and honey, cold compresses, stories and cuddles. She breathed an inadvertently heavy sigh.

  'You okay?' Dana asked, sitt
ing down beside her, placing a hand on her arm. Gently stroking her.

  'Yes, just reminiscing. You remind me a bit of my mum. Took me back...hmm.' She shook her head and drew a deep breath, trying to return her focus to the present. 'I'm sorry.'

  'Don't be. After what you've been through?' Dana's voice rose, 'you're doing remarkably well. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.'

  'Thanks, I'm worried about Jake too, you know?'

  'Of course you are,' Dana added.

  'We've got people out looking. They'll do their best to find him before curfew's in full effect. There's been nothing from the force about him so far so, fingers crossed,' Pete said, as encouragingly as the situation allowed.

  'From the force?' Suze asked.

  'Yeah, we'd hear about it if they'd caught him,' Pete replied.

  'What, you've got an interception thing going on here?' Suze asked, incredulously.

  'We've got insiders, yeah. Not in New Dawn but there's a few coppers who don't like what's gone down recently. They're not all bastards, thank God!' Roger added, putting his hands together as if in prayer, and looking skywards.

  'No, no, of course not. That is so cool. So, how much do you know then?'

  'Well, the local force was told to keep an eye out for you two after the whole farm fiasco. You really pissed New Dawn off by getting away. I mean really pissed them off man! Your pictures have been on the front page of the local papers,' said Roger, almost gleefully.

  'The hair's good by the way. You look really different,' Dana interjected.

  Suze smiled and shrugged her shoulders, 'Yes, well. Needs must. But it didn't fool you though, so...'

  'I could tidy it up for you later if you like,' Dana offered.

  'Sure. Thanks. Jake's got many skills but hairdressing...'

  'No, really he's done a not bad job,' Dana smiled.

  'Drug crazed killers on the rampage, was the headline. Have you seen it?' Roger asked.